Does what I say make a difference?

Life is so funny, isn’t it? The way it messes with our heads. I can go days and weeks feeling as if nothing I’m doing in this life of mine really matters. Oh sure, the kids have clean, folded (sometimes) clothes, there is food on the table, I get them to school and soccer practices on time, the school newsletter was completed and my clients just closed escrow on their house.  But I’ve noticed when no one SAYS anything to me that I feel somewhat of a non-contributing piece of humanity. And that sucks. I have come to really understand that I enjoy making a difference. I bask in the delight of hearing I made someone’s day, or I inspired them to do something. Most recently, one of my friends on Facebook had a friend who read one of my posts and decided she HAD to have me as a friend due to the uplifting posts I make. That was just super cool and filled my bucket enough to keep on keepin’ on. 

I find there is a large need for validation and acknowledgement in our fellow human beings. And I think the reason I recognize this is because of my own need to want acknowledgement as well. Whoa. Feels a little weird to put that out there, but now that I’ve written it, I’m cool with it. My goal, though, would be to get beyond what others say or think, but…..I have to wonder if I’ll ever really get there.  Does anyone ever get past the need or desire for a little praise? It could be a bit of a problem if we’re addicted to it. But I don’t find any fault in the simple pleasure of accepting a compliment or wanting to be acknowledged occasionally. And have you ever noticed how a person literally lights up when you say something nice to them? Hmmmm.

Sometimes kudos back to me will not come often enough, nor from the people closest to me that I’d REALLY like to hear from. And quite frankly it can feel like my efforts of validation to others is all for naught. But then, perhaps in one of my own dark moments of a celebratory pity party in my honor, someone will rise up and acknowledge me about how I made them feel good, valued, and inspired to do something. And THAT my friends, is worth its weight in gold.

So off I go…someone out there is hurting and needs to know they are important and strong enough to give it another day, another try, another chance to smile and feel loved. And perhaps…I’ll start with me. 🙂

I encourage you to take 15 minutes out of your day and watch this video. It touched my heart and those are the lovely things I like to pass along. Thank you to fellow blogger Leslee Horner for introducing it to me.


5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Hope C. on October 1, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    I remember seeing this video at a leadership conference and we all loved it. Thanks! Plus, I’ll tell you that just this morning I wanted to give my kids halloween teeshirts and I was going to say, “now you have to clean your rooms after school” and i stopped and thought- why must their be strings??? I am grateful that they’re awesome kids (even though they are messy) and I will verbally say that to them when I pick them up today. Thanks for pushing me to the next step! You rock!


  2. Posted by Maree on October 1, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    Kim- I love your honesty in thie blog. I may not tell you often enough but I love the great energy you put out to the world and you make a difference to me in a very significant way. My life has been all about “change” for four months and I struggle to stay positive, stay the course and not second guess myself. Your positive investment through facebook and twitter makes a difference and I am grateful. Thank you for being you and let me know anytime you need some “ad hoc” validation- I’ll come running! Xoxo


  3. Posted by Cristi Martinez on October 1, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    Awwww Kim! I love it.. You are so smart! It is absolutely true that as humans it is in our nature to need validation… anyone who says they don’t is lying. We all need to know from time to time that we are worthy, loved, needed. I can’t even begin to explain what the lack of validation in my marriage has done to my life. My husband gets it now and shows it now…but what was missing for a while has changed my life forever. I believe we all need to be validated in lots of ways… we need to know when we do a good job at work. We need to know our friends appreciate us. We need to know our spouses still think we are great and attractive and loved. Most important though is even if we don’t get it…we need to give it! Giving it feels as good as getting it most of the time. You Kim have inspired me today and many times since I have known you… You have many times lifted my spirits just by your comments on facebook.
    Thank you Kim… you are wonderful to know!


  4. Posted by lesleehorner on October 2, 2009 at 2:37 am

    Now after I’ve read this and the above comments, I want to be your friend on Facebook, Kim! This was a great post and I loved that video and glad that someone sent it my way via a comment on my blog. I am trying to enjoy getting and receiving validation without it becoming the be all and end all of my existence. It’s easy to get caught up in it online because it’s so easy to compliment and encourage people when you’re separated by miles, not so easy in the real world when your face to face everyday.

    Thanks for sharing this and glad I added something to it!


  5. Posted by Nona on January 2, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    I think validation is a big issue for us women. We give so much of our selves with selfless intentions to all areas of our life. All we ask for in return is recognition, praise, a simple compliment here and there. I love the comment that we do need to give it as well as receive it. Although giving recogntion is probably our strong suit. We ARE the nurturers of the world. This was such a vulnerable topic Kim…thanks for putting it out there:)


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