Joy…in Tea.

Finding joy doesn’t always have to come from the big things. Sometimes that little squeal of delight can be released as a result of something small, but equally as thrilling, as some of life’s larger events.

Several years ago, as a Christmas gift, I took my mother, my two daughters and my three nieces to High Tea. All the girls dressed up and we sat together as a family enjoying the tea fare….finger sandwiches, salads, cookies, a variety of oh-so-yummy desserts, and of course….tea. Each person at the table was able to choose from a wide array of tea options. While I can’t remember what any of the girls chose, or even what I selected, I do remember my mother chose the apricot tea. That tea was one of the most delicious teas I’d ever tasted.

Since that time, and it’s been many years since then, I have searched for an apricot tea to keep in my pantry. Trust me, it is not an easy find!

Today my daughter Samantha and I had to make another long trek to Lancaster for ONE single solitary soccer game. That’s an hour and 45 minute drive each way! Since it was just the two of us and we had no place to be after the game, we stopped at this little place called Charlie Brown Farms on the way back home. This place is chock full of foods, snacks, candies, gift items, fudge, a real barrel of dill pickles, a deli, fresh fruits and veggies, soft drinks you’ve never heard of, beef jerky, coffees…..and tea! And guess what I found while I was there? Yep…a box of apricot tea. Ask my daughter….I literally did let out a little squeal. It was a moment of joy that will continue each time I brew myself a cup.

Sometimes it’s just the little things that make you feel the happiest. Wouldn’t you agree?

Embracing my Joy through Simplicity.

I consider today a good one. I kept it simple, easy, and did things for myself that make me feel good.

I started the day with a deee-licious shake made up of freshly-squeezed fruits and veggies.

Taught an invigorating Zumba class to a room full of happy women who worked it out!

Post-Zumba class I shared a meal with my BFF and her mom. We ate at one of the oldest restaurants in town. Walking into this place felt as if I’d stepped back in time. It was truly a “diner” and it delighted me to no end.

We followed up lunch with a little shopping. I bought myself a much needed summer dress and a pair of shoes. (also much needed…I rarely treat myself…I have kids.)

Enjoyed a shower and let my hair dry on it’s own in today’s scorching 95 degree heat.

Caught up with my kids when they got home from school.

Napped for 30 minutes.

Ate a handful of cookies.

Watched a little Ellen while knitting.

Decided to write this blog.

And now…I shall settle in with a glass of wine, perhaps a movie and the satisfaction of a day lived joyfully, simply and true to who I am.

How very joyful.

WayPoints

WayPoints – From a Facebook page I “like” – “A waypoint is a reference point in physical space used for purposes of navigation. It marks a significant point on a journey, one where a traveler can stop or change direction when needed or desired.”

This blog is usually devoted to joy and gratitude. After all, my name on everything social media is GratefulKim. Of late however, I haven’t been feeling so grateful.  Instead, I’ve been experiencing deep sadness over a loss and wallowing in my sadness. It wasn’t an actual death, but something similar. Loss of good feelings. Loss of people who surround me with love and acceptance. Loss of…..what was. I’ve been wracking my brain on how to cope with the sudden change. Mostly I’ve spent a lot of time asking, “What did I do wrong?”

Yesterday, I did a meditation. My first meditation in a very long time. I needed 30 minutes to stop thinking about the pain in my heart and the incessant chatter in my head. It helped…the frequency waves allowed my brain to relax, and for a full 30 minutes I was emptied of the need to find answers. Yesterday was the true beginning of me saying that enough is enough and it’s time to move on. Sometimes we just don’t have the answers. Sometimes life just is what it is and people are who they are. Mostly though I want to recover without anger and bitterness for people who gave me no indication things were changing. I believe I’m finally on my way there.

I met a woman this last week who helps people release trapped emotions from their body and heart so they can heal. The moment she started talking I knew I had to meet her and try a session. I am committed to this next step in my healing because my own methods are not working as quickly and effectively as I’d like them to. Next week I’ll take action on making that contact.

This afternoon I was playing around with my Illustrated Discovery Journal and pasted in a few quotes I’ve printed off recently and saved. Below is one of the quotes…and as I pasted it into my journal, I actually began to feel the release of my hurt. To see the error of my ways. And to know, truly know, that everything is going to be okay. Will I be a little more guarded of my heart and soul? Oh…you betcha. But not to the point where the callouses take over the softness. I will still love. I will still trust. I will still embrace people. Perhaps, in time and with practice, I will do it from just a little bit more of a distance so as not to completely give into my emotions. Here is the quote:

“From This Day Forward” by Karen at Waypoints

“I have and hold my own happiness. I will love, honor and cherish it. People, places and things can enhance my inner happiness, but no one, no place or no thing can make me truly happy. I will not place my own happiness on hold, due to another person, place or thing. When I put my own happiness on hold, I lessen my capacity to be happy and I place limitations upon it. Happiness is my chosen partner, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. I choose to hold my happiness tightly, and loosen the hold others have on my happiness, which is mine to have and to hold till death do us part. To you, happiness, I make this vow. “

The quote, combined with the idea of a Waypoint….that reference point where I get to stop and choose a different path…..begins now. My happiness is depending on it.

Kim

Warning: Angry Woman

Tonight I am angry. I feel angry at my family for something that was brought to my attention about feeling “left out.” And oh-my-goodness I just want to scream!!!

This is a senseless post. It’s out of character of my normal desire of finding your joy. But perhaps there is a lesson in here I need to learn. As the anger subsides, I hope to learn the lesson and addess that which needs addressing, But for now, I am just angry and I needed to type it out. I don’t want pity. I don’t want hugs. I simply want to experience my anger, think about it, dwell on it, come up with some really juicy comebacks I’ll probably never use and then hopefully soon move past it.

Being aware of what I’m feeling right now makes me fully aware of how to BE there for someone else who is angry. Don’t friggin’ try to talk them out of it. Let them feel the anger. Let ME feel my anger and frustration. Offer to be angry with me (but only for a short while because really I need you to be love…but for a few minutes…be my friend and get pissed off with me). Anger is a real feeling. I get that right now. If I lived in this moment forever I would totally tell the culprit of my anger to take a flying hike off a tall cliff and never speak to me again. Right now, I could care less about you, your misguided feelings, your insecurities and all the rest of your crap you’ve taught me to live with but now are somehow changing the rules. But I know that’s not me and I will somehow pass through this anger back to love and acceptance.

But for now, in this moment, watch out. Angry woman inside!!!!

If You Can Draw It, You Can Live It.

Illustrated Discovery Journal – a creative way to focus your mind and centralize your efforts on the things you want to bring into your life and reality. I learned about this idea through Sarah Breathnach, author of “Simple Abundance.” I’ve kept journals, I write occasionally (not as often as possible) and in the past I’ve created vision boards. The idea of this journal, however, intrigued me more than the others. Especially after reading a SARK book or two (she’s so clever, creative and incredibly unique in her writing style). I felt it would offer me a little more ongoing “creativity” — a reflection of my ever-changing Gemini personality and moods, complete with pictures, words and whatever else came to mind. So, I bought an artist’s sketch diary and began my journal, combining words and pictures to depict whatever I was feeling at the moment.

The second page of my journal is the picture you see above.  I don’t remember why I drew it, but I believe it was one of those times when more people wanted to take a Zumba Fitness class
than the room at my gym would allow. Those times have caused me a lot of frustration. Since I can’t fix it, I came home and drew a picture of what I want. The illustration is of me on stage, teaching Zumba to 100+ plus participants (represented by stick figures…and I think I actually counted out 100 of them..maybe more).

This past weekend I was a guest instructor for “Zumba in da Club” at Pala Casino. The event was so fabulous. I shared the evening with several of my students and friends who came down to participate in the fun. They cheered me on when I took the stage, and a few of them even came up and danced alongside me. I can’t express to you with the appropriate words how much I enjoyed that evening. But at one point, as I was up there leading the crowd inside Club Infinity, suddenly the picture in my journal flashed into my mind. I realized at that moment….my dream had just come true. Here I am on stage, doing Zumba before a crowd of hundreds, dancing, performing and being the ham that I am to people who LOVE Zumba as much as I do! I couldn’t believe it! Well I could, but I couldn’t…you know what I mean? When miracles occur, as much as I expect them every day, I’m still taken aback when they happen!

I love this journal. I would encourage you to start one. There are no rules (which is why it is totally appealing to me.) Write or draw when you feel the urge. Good, bad or indifferent. You don’ t have to be an artist (example: my stick figures above are NOT art…just a depiction…and that’s good enough for me!) Don’t let the voices stop you. You know the ones…the ones that tell you your idea is stupid, that they will never come true, who the hell do you think you are to deserve this? Do you have dreams? Plans? Desires? Wishes? Ideas? Just…keep…writing…and…drawing. You never know right?

You may just find yourself on the stage of your dreams, living them!

Seek Out Believing Mirrors…Be a Believing Mirror

A few days ago I saw someone who, just by their mere presence in my life, causes me to experience unhealthy, negative feelings . I can literally feel the joy being sucked out of me. While I am a pretty accepting person, I have also come to accept that sometimes people just don’t click. And that’s okay. What it made me realize is how very much I treasure the people who fill me with joy and vitality and that those are the people I choose to surround myself with.

Ironically (or not), I am reading a new book called “The Creative Life” by Julia Cameron (author of “The Artist’s Way” – a book I’ve yet to finish). In “The Creative Life, Julia makes mention of a concept called “Believing Mirrors”. These are people in your life who see YOUR power and potential and reflect it back to you. I think that is the simplest definition. I was highly intrigued by this concept and did a little research, finding an article that has already been written and goes into more detal. So rather than come up with my own words, I simply want to share with you what I found. I hope you will find some value in this idea, and make it a point to not only seek out your own “Believing Mirrors”, but to BE a Believing Mirror to the people in your life. Life is simply way too short and precious to let the joy-suckers bring you down. Today, I am working on that idea and letting go of the negative words and energies from others who seem to take pleasure in trying to hurt you. Please enjoy the article! And thank, as always, for reading my meanderings. XOXO  –Kim

*******

We all need people around us who see the beauty of our potential and believe in our capability. We need people who understand that the ultimate purpose of life is to flourish and fully display our unique magnificence. We need to see our highest self reflected in the eyes of someone who has faith in us. Julia Cameron calls such people “believing mirrors.” While it is tremendously encouraging and validating to have our self reflected in a believing mirror, it is equally gratifying to be that mirror for others. This is the beautiful, synchronistic relationship we hope to achieve as parents,
grandparents, teachers, mentors, personal coaches, spouses, muses, or friends. How do we invite more believing mirrors into our lives and how do we become such a clear reflection for others? Here are some of the important qualities of a believing mirror?

1. Believing mirrors are optimists who always see the cup as half full. Because they truly believe in the ultimate goodness of life and your ability to reach  your highest potential, there are no mistakes or failures, only lessons and opportunities for growth. They know for a fact that everything happens for a reason, and one’s purpose is only revealed by embracing the journey with all its twists and turns.

2. Believing mirrors are truth tellers. They reflect the reality of who you are, but always from the perspective of who you are yet to become. I love the picture of the little tabby cat looking into a mirror and seeing a full grown lion reflected back. Every kitten has the partial DNA of a lion. A truthful mirror will reflect both the heart of the lion and the potential for encasing that within the body of a kitten. The mirror’s honesty is always framed with  respect and polished with a generous heart.

3. Believing mirrors are clear and self- effacing. They do not muddle the picture with their own beliefs and ambitions. They do not project their needs and values upon you. Believing mirrors can step out of the way and provide the space and time for you to be center stage. They allow you to be both the director and the actor of the scene; plus they let you have as many rehearsals as you need.

4. Believing mirrors only reflect the present moment. Where you stand now is what you see. The past is not in the picture: the future is for you to forge. There is no ‘should of,’ could of,’ ‘would of,’ only what is. Standing before the mirror allows you to be fully in the present, which is after all the starting point for every next step.

5. Believing mirrors allow you to see the best of you. They reflect your strengths and capabilities, your gifts and talents, your divine essence and ultimate potential. They see through the make-up and blemishes and bear witness to your core. They reflect your true beauty!

To stand before a believing mirror is energizing, motivating, empowering, and validating. To be a believing mirror is fulfilling, satisfying, and inspiring. Together you experience the intuitive dance of a heartfelt connection. Often in life, you need to become what you seek. So practice being a believing mirror to the important people in your life and ask others to play that role for you. Purposefully, invite the grace and wisdom of believing mirrors into your life.

Copyright (c) 2008 Karin Marcus

You are terrific, no matter what!

I have a strong urge to say something. Thankfully, I have my own blog, which entitles to me to say whatever I want.

Many families received the ever-important white envelope in the mail yesterday containing the results of their child’s STAR testing from earlier in the year. Based on what I read on many Facebook posts in yesterday’s timeline, there were many children that did fantastic on the test, scoring above and beyond the average….which made for VERY proud parents. That is terrific! My child did well, for the record. Not outstanding, but not below average either. She was labeled as ” top-level proficient” on the scale. Okay. Thank you for letting me know Dear State of California.

I showed her the results, praised her for her score, reviewed the results, and then let it go. However, all the Facebook posts from parents whose children did outstanding just got me to thinking about a few things.

We could write novels (and probably already have) of grown adults who went on to do fabulously in life who failed miserably in school…you know…the ones who couldn’t get a C or above on a test to save their lives. They are not stupid people or lazy people. They may just be individuals who don’t score well on tests or who absolutely despise mathematics. Who knows. And let me clarify something – when I say “went on to do fabulously in life” I strongly support the idea that success is an individual opinion. We can’t all be Donald Trumps, or Kim Kardashians or Oprahs. Should we encourage our children to do their best? Absolutely! And yet, I think we all know children learn differently and are motivated in different ways. Kind of like adults if you ask me.

I am not here to condemn anyone or tell you how to raise your child. I believe every parent is doing the absolute best they can with the knowledge they have and the situation they are in. But no matter what, you can always encourage your child to gauge their success on how happy they feel. You can have all the degrees mounted on your wall, all the money in the bank you could ever need, and more vacation homes, cars, toys and shoes in the world….but do they bring you joy?

When I had a moment alone with my child at the end of the day, I looked at her and said a few things. Here is how the dialogue went down:

Me: ”You know…I am proud of you for scoring well on the STAR test. But even if you’d scored poorly, I would still think you are pretty terrific!”

Her: ”Really?”

Me: ”Yes absolutely! That test can’t measure your humor, your smile, your love for singing, your kind heart, your willingness to help others or your mad soccer skills”

She lit up like a fireworks show on the 4th of July and followed her smile up with a “Thanks mom.”

*****

I guess what I’m saying is, honor your children for where they are, what they do, and where their skills may lie. Help keep them on track when necessary, encourage them and maybe show a little tough love when they’re slacking off. But always, ALWAYS, let them know they are terrific kids, no matter what. Okay…I’ve said what I wanted to say. You may carry on with your day. Thank you for reading.

XOXO

Kim

Today I Shall Wear No Makeup.

Okay….I am finally willing to admit that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. <—-There…I said it.

But that does not mean I am discouraged. It means at this moment, I’m feeling as if I’ve taken on too much and need to stop the world for a moment. Even though every single thing I’m taking on excites me. I am putting together a Zumbathon for Breast Cancer event that I hope will bring much joy and fun to our community. With that goal in mind comes an extreme amount of planning and responsibility. I have a committee, and I am working on allowing that committee to do their assigned tasks and help me. I will not be a control freak. Nope…I won’t. Could you hold me to that?

I am starting children’s Zumba classes in 20 days through our local Parks & Recreation. I found out the brochure that is normally mailed out weeks in advance of classes will NOT be going out anytime soon. Therefore, if I want children in my children’s classes, the marketing and PR rests solely on my shoulders. No problem…I love marketing and PR. I’m just struggling with how much is too much before the entire neighborhood un-friends me on all social media sites. My intentions are good….get kids moving and having fun. To accomplish that, however, I need to talk about it.

In line with the breast cancer event, I want to plan a performance at a local mall to demonstrate what Zumba is, how much fun can be had, and with any luck, sell some tickets to the upcoming Zumbathon. More planning.

I am a guest instructor at an upcoming Zumba event at a local gym. Just a few songs. But it’s two hours on a Sunday, after I’ve already done a private event for a student for her Leukemia foundation. Again I reiterate…I’m EXCITED about each of these events, just wondering how I’m going to get it all done.

Oh yes, and let’s not forget I have a husband, two kids, soccer practices, laundry, dishes, dinner, dogs and my regular classes…and somewhere in there I need to shower occasionally….you know…because I sweat a lot at my job.

And finally, to all of the above I add about three different job offers for teaching Zumba. Do I go? Do I stay where I am? Am I missing opportunities? Am I greedy? I’m just waiting for the big, giant, bright neon sign to tell me what the answers are.

To keep my sanity I find moments of peace in:

• Knitting and purling a few rows on a scarf I’m making.
• Reading a paragraph in a book I’m reading.
• Skim through a card-making magazine to see samples of beautiful cards I shall one day make.
• Take a 20 minute nap.
• Enjoy and savor a delicious cup of coffee.
• And…today I shall not wear makeup. It seems like a simple way to feel like I’ve not taken on an unnecessary task.

I love my life. I love what’s coming. I love the events I have planned, the people in my life and most of all my job that allows me to be involved in so many delicious things. But….could you just give me another moment.

…….

…….

…….

…….

Enough writing….the moment is over. There are emails and text to answer and kids classes to market. This was a good moment. Thank you.

XO

Kim

Mother/Child Communication

As a young girl I was fortunate enough to have a mother who talked things out with me. Rarely did I get the response “because I said so” when I asked my mother “why?”  She was interested in defining the bigger picture for me so I could understand the reason for things. To this day I am hugely interested in the “why’s” of life.  To that end, I now pass along the same kind of communication with my children. It drives my husband crazy. He comes from the type of family where the iron fists of parents rule and their’s is the last word. Perhaps that is why he is more disciplined than myself, but also (shhhh!) a tad more uptight as well. I digress.

Talking out the issues of life with my two girls has been always been a priority for me. While I’m not naive enough to think I know everything there is to know about my kids, I do feel pretty confident in our ability to speak with each other about many topics. Since my children are girls, currently ages 11 and 15, communication is KEY to making sure I’m doing everything I can to keep them on task and successful in their own way.

Years ago I started a process of journaling with oldest daughter by way of a notebook we passed back and forth to each other. If one of us had something to say, discuss or share, we wrote it down and then gave it to the other to write back. Remember those days of writing notes to your classmates with the signature line of “write back soon!” That’s exactly what we did. Many times those writings took place when my daughter had something to get off her mind – you know like a major crush that Susie has on Billy in the drama of the 6th grade classroom. Other times it was from me just wanting to tell her how proud I feel of her, not to worry about the first day in a new school, or sometimes to express my disappointment. You take the good with the bad and must we willing to talk about all of it without judgement.

It’s been a few years since my now-teenager and I have done this. But recently my younger daughter came to me and said she wanted to start writing back and forth to each other. The first journal entry she wrote to me was how someone was doing something to make her feel badly and how the day in school was not such a fun one. Having this kind of window into my child’s mind is just….FANTASTIC!! Imagine for just a moment how much better of an understanding we’d have of each other if we could share the concerns of our day, our dilemmas, our fears and insecurities, and of course the things that also make us feel good. As an adult, lost in the thought of my own issues, I can easily forget how important something is to my child because I look at her issues as something minor and fleeting. To a child…not so much. This is their current truth…their current reality…their current struggle. And it’s as important to them as my grown-up issues are to me. As a mom, I appreciate knowing what concerns she has and how I can help get her through it all in a way that makes her feel good.

Last night I mentioned to her that she had not written to me in a few days….which leads me to believe that all is pretty well in her world right now. Which also tells me we need to be writing that kind of stuff down so we’re not only focused on the drama, but on the appreciation of good days as well.

Does this process appeal to you? Could you start TODAY in improving the communication with your child through the power of writing?

I offered up a challenge to one of the most creative people I’ve met through the power of Twitter. I told Syda about the blog post I was planning to write and asked if she’d be interested in creating a few journals to pass along to any of my readers. I’m happy to say she took on the challenge with serious gusto and put together some beautiful options for all of us! I invite you to not only start this process of journaling with your child, but show a little love to Syda by purchasing one of her custom journals to start with. It would make me so happy to continue the circle of giving, communicating and sharing. The first three journals in her CafePress shop are covers specifically related to mother/child journaling  and you can find them right here. The second option is an absolutely beautiful handmade journal that can be found here. And…to make things a little sweeter for you, she is offering 10% off through St. Patrick’s day to all my readers. Just use the coupon code “findyourjoy” at checkout to receive your discount.  Sweet!

Should you decide to begin, I would absolutely love it if you’d come back here sometime and report to me how it’s going for you and your child(ren). Any new insights? Discoveries? Hurdles gotten over? Drama squelched? Share it all!

Once again…thank you for reading. You honor me with your time.

Kim

Affirmations & Anniversaries

Let’s talk about affirmations. I’m sure you know there is a strong connection between the way your life is, the way you talk to yourself and what you believe. Many years ago when I was first in the real estate industry, being part of a coaching program was highly suggested by those who had been successful selling real estate. So even though money was tight, I joined because I wanted to be successful too. Of course, I also wanted to feel loved and accepted by those around me <—— key point right there. Every morning I said my affirmations faithfully. The words went something like this: “I am a great salesperson. I love prospecting, so I do it every day. I set one appointment every day. I’m a lean, mean listing machine.”  I even listened to these affirmations with baroque music in the background because I was told by doing so they would sink deeper into my subconscious. The problem was, I never believed any of it no matter how often I pushed “play.”

In 2007 I went through a difficult time with my family as a result of an unpopular decision I made. The time had come when I finally realized and admitted…this was not what I wanted for myself and I was no longer attached to what others thought of me; that there HAD to be something else out there to make me feel good about what I do utilizing aspects of my personality that I didn’t have to “talk” myself into believing. And while I didn’t realize it at the time, I sunk into a bit of depression as a result of it, gaining weight and losing almost all zest for the life going on around me.

I immersed myself in reading–books, articles, interviews, you name it. I journaled and then I read some more. Eventually I was led to a course called the “100 Day Reality Challenge” and within the first few pages of the workbook was this list affirmations:

• I am a Co-creator:
• I transform my life
• I inspire others
• I create wealth and abundance
• I expand my awareness
• I am confident in my ability to design my life
• I manifest
• I love
• I inspire
• I lead
• I contribute
• I dream
• I serve
• I am grateful
• I shine and I laugh
• I create my life
• I play
• I deserve to live the life of my dreams and inspire others to live theirs
• I am worthy, I am prosperous, I give and receive.

Now here were some affirmations that resonated with every fiber of my soul! I want you to know I never did finish the course, but I believe I was shown what I needed at the time. These affirmations were not associated with a specific kind of job or activity. They were simply words that felt good coming out of mouth. I began saying them twice a week out loud with my affirmations partner, and I’ve been repeating them now for two years. As a result, I truly believe, doors opened, opportunities came to me that I could not have imagined or thought possible for myself and I am now living a life I’m proud of and feel good about. I feel as if I’m contributing and living and sharing and expressing joy just by waking up in the morning. Because my words are believable to me, the actions I take are closely related and I feel happy most of the time.

Today, February 6, 2011, marks my one-year anniversary of being a certified Zumba instructor. You have no idea how proud I feel about this. If you know me, you know Zumba is one of my biggest passions and I simply love it. If we follow along with the affirmations above you’ll see a pattern……Zumba has transformed my life. It inspires others. It makes me money. It allows me to create a life I want. I love what Zumba has created for me. I inspire others to do more with their life through teaching and talking about Zumba. I lead classes I adore. I contribute to people’s health, happiness and fun. I dream of doing more. I serve classes full of people with my energy, routines and passion. Oh yes, I am SO grateful! I smile, shine and laugh during class, even when I forget the next step. I have created a life I love and I play in it gloriously! I deserve to live this life and I want YOU to know, you deserve to live a life YOU love. And you know what? I AM worthy…I AM prosperous….and I will continue to give and receive as long as I believe these things to be true. Choosing thoughts that serve me is the key.

Happy anniversary to me. Thank you to all of you for walking along and sharing in this journey with me. I love you and can’t wait to hear YOUR story.

Kim

P.S. – Please come celebrate with me and my friends – details on my party are right here.